Something important happened on Friday that I haven't mentioned yet. While I was stuck in traffic, with lots of time to think, I found myself smoking almost constantly. I wasn't enjoying it, but I was bored. After 6 cigarettes in the first couple of hours, I started thinking about how much I hated having to do it, and how it was interfering with my gym goals and how much I wanted to stop. So before I got to work (hey, what's the difference between 3 hours late and 3 1/2 hours late?) I drove to CVS and bought some nicotine patches.
I've been wearing one for over 50 hours now and I have not smoked. Not once. I've wanted to, but I haven't, and I've found that if I acknowledge the craving and then put it out of my mind, hours will go by before I remember that I wanted it in the first place.
I'm really shy about talking about it, still, because it's so new and I don't want to be all "I'm a non-smoker WOOOOO GO ME!" and then fail. But I have decided to try, and in trying, found that it is in fact possible. That feeling is sort of familiar.
So: I have a patch on my belly and I'm chewing on a licorice twig. Not a Twizzler, but an actual stick. The theory behind it is that since licorice is used as a flavoring agent in smokes, sometimes replacing the taste will soothe the craving. I like them a lot, although I am constantly spitting out splinters. Attractive! I also threw away my last pack of smokes and put my lighter away, so if the urge strikes me while I am out and about or driving, it will be harder to act on it than to fight it.
Saturday morning, I went to the gym and did all my exercises thoroughly. I couldn't see any improvement in my breathing or stamina, but I didn't expect it after only 24 hours. But as I went through my stations I thought about how I would see it, and how it would help me get to where I'm trying to go. After the gym, I felt awesome. Came home, showered, ate a nice big turkey sandwich, and dried and straightened my hair. Then I was hit with the familiar Saturday afternoon let-down, where I'd done all the things I intended to do before 3 PM and didn't know what to do with myself for the rest of the day. I ended up on the couch watching a Hell's Kitchen marathon and not going outside. No smoke breaks = not leaving the house. I did a couple of Comcast yoga programs when I felt itchy and restless and those definitely helped. I might get myself a yoga mat as a weekly reward because I couldn't do some of the situp exercises- our living room floor is berber carpet over concrete and I'd like to keep all my vertebrae, thanks.
Dinner was baked chicken, roasted potatoes and broccoli. After dinner I still wanted to put stuff in my mouth so I had an apple and went to bed early.
Calories 1883, Carbs 221, Fat 57, Protein 131.
On Sunday it was apparent that I would have to go to the grocery store. I won't lie, I was apprehensive about leaving the house and driving in the car because for 10+ years, my routine has been: buckle seat belt, fire up smoke. I brought water, gum and sticks with me to help with the trip to Trader Joe's. Somehow I think my iPod knew that I was struggling because it shuffled up Big Star's "Ballad of El Goodo" which I found hugely motivational. So, I went to the store! And back!
Breakfast was Newman Flakes and yogurt, and after my shopping adventure I returned to the couch to watch more Hell's Kitchen. In one of the last challenges, one of the chefs made crab cakes and the other made fettuccine alfredo, so I made some of each. I measured out exactly one serving of fettuccine and enjoyed it thoroughly. G was out at a rock show with his brother, so I just made soup and a sandwich for dinner; I am getting pretty tired of turkey and I miss tuna salad and bacon!
Calories 1693, Carbs 224, Fat 52, Protein 94.